Next I could see several spiritual impartial wise spirit beings maybe 4 or 5 kind of shimmering and indistinct to my right who I knew would be judging me and to my left was an area where my past life was played back to me from beginning to end . meanwhile a voice would comment on my behaviour and experiences and I was free to interject and playback or fast forward the scene at will. I remember trying to paint the best picture of myself , saying I was quite good then etc and the voice saying well yes this was good but this other time not so good and showing me on the screening area!

At the end of all this I begged the powers to let me stay in the heavenly land. I told them I had been well behaved all those years and hadn't done anything wrong. They acknowledged this but stated that the people who stayed there permanently had had exemplary lives for their previous life but that I hadn't really!

I knew then that they wanted me to have another life on earth. At this point I remembered that I had had many previous lives and felt dismayed I would have to have another one and be separated from my heavenly friends. Again I begged them and the voice asked whether or not I too wanted to have an exemplary last life. At this point I replied that I didn't particularly!!!!

There was a moment of silence where I reflected a little and saw that another life was the most noble choice and that really there wasn't much choice anyway!

At this point I tried to prepare mentally for the next stage. I looked a little to my left and saw as if through a crystal ball, images from earth fleeting as they were. My impression was memories of a well known place spoiled by a lost and misguided human race floundering in eddies of greed and self-interest and felt massive frustration and pity for them. I vowed I would try and help them out of their vicious circle. I thought it would be easy knowing what I knew of the spirit world.

My next realisation however was that I would lose my memory. I clearly remembering saying out aloud ' you're going to swipe my memory aren't you? At this point there was a moment of silence which I took as a yes before I remember my memory slipping away as a dream memory does upon waking. I resisted as fiercely as I could however with all my power feeling a bit of a rebel.

The next thing I knew was that I was in my mothers womb and was really happy as I still had some fairly good recollection of the spirit world and the judgement and that I hadn't lost all my memory against the odds. I remember thinking that the womb state was 'in - between' in comfort between heavenly land and earth. I was extremely cosy and remember sleeping most of the time. I remember the colours - dark to orange and feeling - warm , cosy relaxed and in foetal position.

As I started to wake more, I used my memory of previous lives which told me that this was a cue that it was nearing my birth ( which I wasn't really looking forward to.) Over 20 years later this phenomenon was just being discovered by scientists! As I was being pushed and born, I remember saying to myself ' here we go again!' and I tried to remember what it was like on earth. Memories of illnesses, extremes of hot and cold extremes and struggle depressed me somewhat.

As I 'emerged' it was freezing cold and I couldn't be bothered really with the whole thing. The world was a bit out of focus and there were giant looking people in white. They got a little worried and I knew it was because I wasn't breathing. I thought that if I didn't make any effort that I would end back in heaven or more likely judgement zone! I decided to breath and get on with it !

I remember being in the cot before I had learned to talk or walk sometime later on and feeling frustrated that I couldn't speak move or do anything apart from wiggle cry or not cry! I felt like an incapacitated adult. I devised a plan to lift up my right leg as my mother put me to sleep. I knew that this would be highly unusual and would be entertaining. I knew that it would therefore stay in her memory as time went on and would act as a reminder to myself in the future that I was more complex mentally than people generally assume for babies.

Later on in life I kept on going over and over my prebirth memory so I wouldn't forget it. repeating it until it became as ingrained as I could so as to be a lifeline to who I really was.

My life so far has mostly been frustrating in that I haven't made full use of my memory to help me connect to my spiritual side. I have let it been screened by my own cowardice indulgences and cynicism in general. I haven't been a great person in all honesty. The combination of spending 2 months close to nature(surfing) and returning to the earthy nurturing melancholy that is the English autumn seems to have done something though recently and made me think more of my old memories.

Now at the age of 30 I hope its not too late to change and use the past to learn its lessons and make the best of my time left. I'm especially drawn to ecological work now and have found new courage to make a stand against the ravages of our beautiful earth..It feels as if my eyes have been opened again. It's like I'm emerging from a dense fog and feel as if I've been sooo stupid. When I read earth magic/ shamanism books it feels like old skills! overall with a deep ecology path it seems like I'm suddenly lighter happier and that heaven land and spirit people are all watching and encouraging as if im like the lost last runner in a marathon who's finally got off his knees and is trying to make it to the line! ( or something !!!)

Warmest regards,

Lawrence

March 15, 2006