Pre-Birth Memory No.2
Toni's Pre-Birth Experience
I have had memories of an existence of my soul before my birth from a very young age. I must say I recall sitting around in clothe diapers with the little plastic cover on them wondering about where I came from. The funniest part is that I recall thinking "How am I going to get everything done when I can't even walk yet?"
As a child below the age of ten, I attempted to tell some friends and a teacher in Sunday School about these memories once and realized then that I was different. I also tried to tell a little girl that I remembered her from before we were born and she became angry at me for “lying”. I discovered that nobody around me had these type of thoughts, so I kept it to myself for a long time.
In those days of my life, in that part of the United States, it was considered almost evil to have a near-death experience or anything similar. This was the impression I got from my church and family. As I played and sat around near adults within my church I overheard the negative comments about people that claimed to have spiritual experiences and feared they would say the same about me when I wasn't around. So being a child that thrived on approval, I decided I could not handle that.
As an infant I recalled buildings and fields. I remembered guides and angels. I would lay around and think about what had been arranged for my life and what I had to do. I specifically recalled standing in front of a huge, white book in heaven. The book was very thick with pages and all the pages had gold trim around the edges. The book sat on a white, marble book stand or maybe I could describe it as a church pulpit. Light shined out of the book and book stand. The book lay open as I approached and stood directly in front of it. I noticed the pages were blank. I was taken to it by a guide who stood to my left and gave me some directions about how to proceed. "Look into the pages." my guide instructed.
I then looked down at the pages and the blank sheets began to display parts of my future life on earth. I watched as if it was a movie being played for me. As another life change was about to occur the page would turn again and begin the next part of my life in movie form on that page. I saw a little accident at my grandparents barn where I took a fall and many other things.
I used to sit around with nothing else to do as a child and play back those images of what I saw in the book. I could fast forward the images to see things that would occur in the future and rewind to things I saw from my life's past since birth that were played out for me within the pages. But the older I got, the less I thought about those things. I guess I just decided playing and eating were all I cared to think about. But God had a unique technique for reminding me when I was three years old.
I grew up around horses and horsemen. My Grandfather and my Father both shoe horses by trade, and occasionally break and train their own horses for personal pleasure. As a three year old I thought horses were just a simple fact of life since I had been so well exposed to them. My grandfather (Papaw) would occasionally buy horses and ponies and he and my parents agreed that it was time that I should have my own pony, so Papaw bought a trailer full of them and picked out the gentlest one for me. It was a little palomino pony and his name was Sarge. Papaw got me a child sized saddle and put me on Sarge in the hall of the barn. As Mama and Daddy stood talking behind me I felt really happy about this. Papaw then instructed me on how to direct the pony.
"If you want to turn this way, (he pointed to the right) you pull this rein. If you want to go that way, (he pointed) then you pull the other rein. If you want to stop, you pull both reins at the same time and if you want to go, you kick him with both your legs on his sides." he finished. "You got that?" he asked.
"I got it." I replied back confidently. But something went wrong when Sarge took off out of the barn. He didn't just walk. He ran straight ahead. I screamed and pulled my legs up with fear and let the stirrups flop on his side which he thought meant to go faster, so we were running as hard as his legs could take us straight for the fence line. I then heard my Father yelling to me from behind. "Pull both reins to stop! Pull both reins to stop!" So that's what I did and Sarge stopped as quickly as he'd started. I fell off and landed directly in front of the pony and he stood calmly in place making sure not to step on me.
Before I fell off I saw a rock protruding from the ground and that is what my head landed on. As I lay there I felt no pain. So I decided it was okay to get up. I rolled over and stood up and looked down in shock. There was someone lying on the ground where I was previously lying. "Who is this other girl that was lying on the ground beside me?" I thought. But as soon as I thought of that question the answer came to me that this was my shell and I was out of it again. I began to slowly rise up into the atmosphere as I watched my Father grab my body from the ground and yell my name with panic. "Toni? Toni!"
As I was in the air above Mama and Daddy and Papaw, I started thinking again like I had before I was ever born. My thoughts began to be more like they were when I had planned this life I was living and then suddenly I heard a swooshing sound like wings coming from above and behind me and I felt a hand press against my back. I was then instantly back in my body.
I didn't tell any of them about my experience over head, but afterward my mind would see flashes of the moment when I stood in heaven before the white book and watched the accident happen before it had ever occurred. I then began again to play these memories back in my mind often from that point on.
The memories I have now are not as detailed as they were when I was such a small child, but I have now dedicated myself to writing them down as well as the spiritual experiences I've had and putting them into a small book form. But I have decided to just keep them for my children for now and relax and enjoy the life I have.
(Toni was diagnosed with Frontal Lobe Epilepsy in 2006. This should be taken into consideration when evaluating her experience.)